What Fades Away
by Takada Saiko
Summary: Set not long after Drown the Echoes but before Breath of Life. Loki's nightmares have always been a problem, but when the monster in the mirror is himself it may be more than he can deal with. Oneshot. Brotherly fluff. R


A/N: I love well-done fan art and I came across a drawing via a video perhaps a year ago or so. I finally tracked it down on tumblr to an artist that goes by the name WestIsHere. (Seriously, check this person out. They are amazing!) Anyway, the drawing was of Loki in mostly Jotun form with what looks like Gungnir shoved through his chest. Best I remember, that's what started the whole evil-ending-of-the-first-chapter in Breath of Life. Anyway, tonight I found it on tumblr and read the commentary that she left on it. I highly recommend reading it. You can find her by that name on tumblr or I reblogged it if you follow me as well. It's... Oh the feels. The gist of it is Loki trying to come to terms with finding out he is something entirely different than he thought and having no one to share that pain with. It started my brain moving and this little angst-ridden piece popped out. So yeah... Enjoy. It's set not long after Drown the Echoes, but before Breath of Life (reaching back there, aren't I?)

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**What Fades Away**

_Would you leave me,_

_If I told you what I've done?_

_And would you need me,_

_If I told you what I've become?_

_'cause it's so easy,_

_To say it to a crowd_

_But it's so hard_

_To say it to you out loud_

Thor had not seen his younger brother in the hours since he had last stormed from the throne room, his and Odin's talk having escalated to a screaming match that left little time for either to listen to the other. The trickster had paid little heed to his brother's calls and Frigga had stopped him from immediately following, encouraging him to give the younger prince space. Their lives had changed dramatically in the past two years and Loki had never adjusted well to change.

So the thunderer had held back, anxious and impatient, but he had held back. He'd thrown himself into no less than five sparring matches - leaving his opponents in the dirt at the end of each round - taken a walk to cool off around the palace grounds, bathed, and attended dinner. The sun had set and Loki had not been seen since the explosion between Allfather and adopted son.

The blond prince pulled a deep breath in as he approached his brother's door. Part of him wanted to corner the younger god, tell him that he simply needed to decide what was important and choose to make it so. It was not that difficult. When Thor wanted something, he went after it with everything he had and he was rarely wanting for it long. Even Loki. His brother _was_ there and he _was_ free, after all.

Then there was the newer strand of thought, the one that he'd begun to cultivate since meeting Jane: it was one that thought of the one he wanted to help. He shouldn't trample over his brother, as that had never done anything but make the dark haired prince feel slighted and uncared for. No, the way that he had always dealt with Loki needed to change, needed to evolve into what the other needed, not what Thor _thought_ he needed.

A loud crashing sound came from the other side of Loki's chamber doors, startling Odin's heir. Any pause he had had washed away immediately and he threw the doors open, ready for battle. The chambers were dark, with only the barest bit of light flickering at the far end near the bed. Thor had to squint and wait for his vision to adjust before he saw the wreckage.

Loki's room was in perfect order with the exception of one corner. A long mirror lay shattered and bent, the glass thrown out in all directions and a chair broken beside it, as if it had been used to take down the offensive piece of furniture. The prince in question sat amidst the shattered glass and Thor realized for the first time that he had turned the most ferocious of glares in his direction.

"_Get out_," the trickster hissed, his voice rough with emotion.

"Brother, what has happened?" Thor asked as gently as he could, taking a step towards him.

"Get out!" the younger prince screamed again, eyes flashing dangerously in a way he had not seen since their fight in the observatory.

Thor weighed his options carefully, looking at the way Loki looked ready to spring to his feet and attack. Like a wounded animal. Closer observation and eyes better adjusted to the dim light showed blood his hands and it looked as if it were still coming. He showed little care for it as he finally did leap to his feet, voice cutting and dangerous.

"Do you never care for _anyone_ but yourself? And I'd thought perhaps you'd grown. What a fool I must be to think that Thor, the mighty son of Odin, could possibly develop any care beyond that which he sets his own sights to!"

"You're bleeding, brother," Thor said, surprising himself with his own calm.

Loki blinked, his words cut short and his green eyes flickered down to his hands. "It's nothing," he snapped.

"Still, will you allow me to look?"

"To what purpose? It's not like a bumbling oaf like you could do anything about it."

"Not much," Thor conceded. He moved past Loki to a drawer and pulled a thin towel from it. He turned an expectant glance towards his younger brother who looked more than ready to spiral back into the tantrum, but deflated all at once and moved to sit on the bed.

Green eyes watched him as Thor moved to turn the lamp up so that he had light to see by and dipped the cloth in a bowl of water. Once that was done he knelt to the floor before his brother and took much smaller hands in his own. Those eyes did not waver as thick fingers, surprisingly gentle, picked at the glass shards still embedded in pale skin, and when he had finished he dabbed at the cuts very carefully with the cloth.

"What happened?"

Loki blinked, the first movement he had made beyond breathing since Thor had begun his work. Dark brows eased from their drawn position and he sighed. "After Odin's and my... _conversation_... I came back and went to sleep after a while. I had a dream."

"It must have been a dark dream indeed to have caused such violence in return." Thor stopped, realizing that his brother's hands were shaking. "Am I hurting you?"

"It's fine," Loki whispered, all the anger gone from his voice and leaving it very small and filled with pain. "I... You know of what Odin told me, while you were on Midgard."

"Mm."

"He apparently placed a spell over me before bringing me to Asgard all those years ago, changing my appearance. I dreamt... I dreamt that I could not change back, no matter what I did."

Blue eyes glanced upward as Thor pressed Loki's hands gently against the damp cloth, allowing it to soak up the blood. Odin had told him everything after Loki fell, but he had never put much thought into what that meant on a more practical level. Loki was small, even by Asgardian standards, but even so to be the son of Laufey by birth must have left some mark on him. He resisted the urge to ask to see, as he was sure that would not bring about a reaction either would enjoy.

"When I woke I couldn't bear it, so I shattered the mirror," Loki finished his story, feeling a bit foolish as he said it. "I couldn't see the monster there. I couldn't risk it."

"You're no monster, Loki," Thor murmured affectionately, reaching one large hand to clasp him on the back of the neck in a gesture that he'd used since their youth. "You are my brother, no matter who bore you. You have always been my brother and will always be my brother."

"Such certainty."

"Of course," the blond answered cheerfully. He stood, leaning forward to kiss his brother's brow as he did so. Loki did not pull away and he took that as a good sign. "I doubt you'll go to Master Rowen, will you?"

"I have some bandages in that drawer there," Loki said by way of answering.

Thor did not ask why his brother kept them, but pulled them from their place and returned to his earlier posture to wrap the younger prince's hands. When he was done he stood once more and began to clean away the glass that lay on the carpet of the room.

"Now you'll cut your hands, you dolt!" Loki snapped at him from his place.

"My hands are much more suited for this than yours," Thor answered with a shrug. "Yours are soft from your years of study and magic, while mine are toughened by the handles of Mjolnir and a sword." He glanced up and over when he received no response. "I mean nothing by it, brother."

"I know," the trickster said softly, curling back into his bed.

A smile perked the thunderer's lips and he cleared the glass away into a small basket by the door. The servants would take it away and none would be the wiser for the reason behind it. He returned to Loki's bedside, looking down at how his brother was curled into the pillow once more, lids drooping dangerously and he couldn't help but to think how young he looked in that moment.

"Say it already," the dark haired prince groused.

"Say what?"

"Whatever it is that you're thinking."

Thor smiled and turned the lamp down, moving Loki over with ease. This startled him, but the blond was seated and pulling the covers up around his own shoulders before anything could be said.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Blue eyes blinked at him, confusion evident even in the darkness. "When we were young and you had nightmares, you would crawl into bed with me and I'd chase them away."

"We are not children, Thor."

"No," the thunderer agreed softly, "not anymore, but that doesn't mean the nightmares go away."

Silence stretched between them until Thor was certain his brother had drifted off. Finally, Loki's voice sounded very softly in the stillness. "Do you have nightmares, brother?"

"I did. Every night that you were away. I would see you falling again and again and I could never catch you. I would wake calling your name out into the night, but you were gone and there was nothing I could do."

"But you do not dream of that time anymore?"

"I still do, but you're here now. I wake and you are alive and well. Nightmares are not so frightening when they are not true." He sighed, reaching out in the darkness and wrapping on large hand around Loki's wrist, just above the bandages. "You are not a monster," he repeated. "That is the untrue nightmare that plagues you. When you wake, I'll be here to assure you of it."

Loki offered no further protests and asked no further questions. Instead he focused on his brother's even breathing and finally soft snores as everything else faded away.

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END.


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